Final Thoughts

8/31/2016

The Lay of the Land

By Lyn Messersmith

Final Thoughts

            Someone once asked, “What if they gave a war and nobody came?”

Not to worry, someone always comes. Sadly, there’s a lot of collateral damage from our current Sandhills war. Trump and Hillary have nothing on us when it comes to drama, contempt, and scorn. Negativity is the most contagious disease on our planet, with social media a major carrier of privacy invasion, hate speech, and misinformation. The national political scene’s reality show mentality has trickled down to poison a quiet rural lifestyle. Many who have opted out of local war games are being affected. I’ve avoided injecting my opinion on this issue here. Today, I’m speaking in hope that a respectfully presented message might also be contagious.

            Several years ago, numerous public meetings were held regarding the possibility of developing wind energy in Cherry County. I attended, along with many of my neighbors. We were encouraged to take the information that was being presented to our attorneys and financial advisors, do our own research, and ask questions, before making a commitment. I, and others who eventually signed on as members of Cherry County Wind, did so. Some attendees at the meetings declined to join; all of us making thoughtful and prayerful choices that fit our individual situations. The majority of people now protesting CCW were not in attendance. Once CCW was formed, membership meetings were private, as are any meetings of stockholders to address business decisions for a ranch, implement business, or grocery store.

            I have long been a proponent of wind energy. Seeing miles of wind turbines in travels around the West made me wonder why Nebraska isn’t developing our most available energy resource. A family member who is a coal miner says the word is out in his circles that whoever is elected in November will likely shut down the coal industry.

            Objectors point out that wind energy is heavily subsidized. Do you farm or ranch? Have you been involved with cost share for wells, tree planting, fencing, or grazing programs? Do you drive a vehicle? On the interstate or other developed highways? Do your kids attend school? Will you be present for Old West Days, or Arts Council programs? Is your current energy produced by coal, oil, or hydroelectricity? How many plastic bottles of water or soda did you drink today, and how much oil was used to produce the containers? I don’t like subsidies either but none of our modern lifestyle is free of them, or possible without them.

            Allow me a correction to Jim Ducey’s internet post. There is no “DeNaeyer” land involved in, or near, the proposed projects. The only DeNaeyer land in Cherry County is five miles south of Valentine. It’s really no one’s business, but I am simply trustee of the Spencer property my grandparents acquired a century or so ago. That property is leased to a family member who did not make the decision to affiliate with CCW; however he was apprised of that decision since it affects his livelihood. I felt no obligation to discuss the matter with others.

            Many years ago, someone asked if I ever wondered what my first husband, my dad, or for that matter, my grandfather, would think of the changes we’ve made on the ranch. “Only every day of my life,” I answered.

On the whole, I believe they’d approve. Granddad was a banker, as well as a rancher; even served a term as magistrate in Thomas County. Dad kept his wallet closed a lot, but was strong for private property rights and whatever would improve the land and help the community. He shopped at home, and was quick to involve the ranch in oil leases when that was the going thing. My kids’ dad and I updated machinery and buildings for property we would never own, on our own dime.

I was taught that the greatest resources we have are our own strong backs, honesty, trusted neighbors, clean water and good grass. Having been charged with continuing that legacy, do you really believe I’d foul the nest purposely? I am convinced that the proper precautions for the environment have been met in this project, and that it will help us keep schools open, and support our local economy without leaning so hard on the whims of Washington.

            Mom mourned when friends divorced because she was expected to take sides, and she cared for both parties. I experienced the sadness of family feuds early. When my dad and his brother fell out, ties were cut with my only close cousins. A child feels confusion and shame when they love someone whom parents require them to shun. It took my generation fifty years to mend the fences, and none of us have ever been the same.

            Everyone should be respected for following his or her conscience, but that doesn’t make it ok to call names or personalize issues. Negative messaging is a form of bullying.

I want to thank the Cherry County citizens who have sacrificed time, energy, and personal resources to serve in county offices, on school boards, planning commissions and in charitable organizations, often being vilified and harassed for their honest efforts. Surely we can hold different views without looking for a scapegoat.

            Some of our citizens have based responses toward other people, or entities in the community, on their opinion regarding my association with CCW. In light of that, this is the last time that Lay of the Land will appear in local papers. You can hate me all you like, but it would break my heart to know someone cancelled a subscription to the Midland News or Sheridan County Journal Star because my column appears therein. Small town newspapers are the lifeblood of a community, and our editors are to be commended for fair and balanced reporting. Occasionally, some folks, and even businesses, have pressured an editor or publisher because of something I wrote, even though it appears on the Opinion page. The present battle has become bloody enough to make me believe it could happen again.

            I will miss you all. It’ll be awhile before I stop jotting down a thought I want to develop into a column and share with you, but this has been a pretty good gig for 27 years, and perhaps it’s time to move on.

            I’ll close with a story told at an artist’s conference I attended. A father asked his young daughter if she was familiar with the beggar who sat at the local depot chanting the same phrase over and over. She was. “Well, do you know what he is saying?” She did not, so the dad told her to go listen, then come tell him what she heard.

Pretty soon the daughter returned to report. “He’s saying, ‘Thanks if you do, thanks if you don’t.’”

“Correct,” the father replied. “You have gifts to share with the world. Offer them freely. Sometimes they will be received, other times not. The result is not your business. Just keep sharing, and say, ‘thanks if you do, thanks if you don’t.’”

Thanks that you did, for all these years. See you around.

Virus-free. www.avast.com

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The Choice

8/24/2016

The Lay of the Land

By Lyn Messersmith

The Choice

            “Life is either one grievance after another or one miracle after another.”

            Some Days

            Nancy lives alone, except for her dog. She has some health issues, but who doesn’t, at our age? And Nancy is almost exactly my age.

The thing about Nancy is that she never clings to a grievance when she’s wronged, or when circumstances don’t go her way. And they don’t, pretty often. A few winters back, she slipped on the ice and shattered her arm. The one she uses most, of course. She was in a cast for months, and had to ask for help with dressing and getting from here to there—a pretty hard thing for an independent soul like Nancy to do.

Along about the time all that drama was done, her dog was run over and killed. Now this is a woman who sent me a sympathy card when we had to put our old dog down, so you know how much she loves her pets. I told you that she never gripes, but she does allow herself to grieve.

Let’s go back to the first sentence in this essay. Define grievance. Webster says this, among other things. “A circumstance thought to be unjust or injurious, and ground for complaint or resentment…a statement expressing this, against a real or imagined wrong.”

Grieving is something else; “to feel deep sorrow or distress.” So you know that my friend was grieving deeply from the loss of that dog. At the same time, she knew she wanted another dog, and the sooner the better.

Nancy lives on a fixed income, so it’s not like she could go out and buy a dog, but she prayed about her need for a companion, and then lived in expectation, which is something most of us have no clue how to do. If you need instruction in the matter, as I did, listen to her story.

“Every morning I woke up and said to myself, ‘I wonder if this will be the day I get a dog. I wonder what it will look like, what kind it will be…’”

Less than a week later, Nancy’s phone rang. It was a neighbor, who was moving and couldn’t take her dog. Would Nancy want it?

Not only did she want it, the animal was the same color, size, and breed as the dog that had been killed. Try telling Nancy that miracles' don’t happen.

I believe in miracles, large and small. This one seems pretty large to me. That said, most of us miss them because we’re looking for some kind of burning bush experience. Or too busy expressing a grievance.

Did you happen to be driving home last night just in time to watch the moon rise? See a shooting star, a child laughing; a young person holding the door for that old fellow? Did a neighbor happen along just as you were getting ready to change a tire? Or perhaps you put aside the urge to feel angry and say, “Just my luck,” and looked for a good turn to do instead. That’d be a real miracle for most of us.

We get a choice about these things, and we get the miracles we choose. By the way, Nancy and her pal are living happily ever after. And this isn’t even a fairy tale.

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But, On the Other Hand…

8/17/2016

The Lay of the Land

By Lyn Messersmith

But, On the Other Hand…

            The new fellow on the trail drive filled his tin plate at the chuck wagon and hunkered down by the fire. After a couple of bites he remarked that the biscuits were burned on the bottom. Noticing that old Cookie was reaching for his pistol, the newbie remembered the first rule of the range—never insult the cook—so he quickly amended his statement with this, “But that’s just the way I like them!”

            Bruce told this tale to our grandkids some time back and I reinforced it with the rule in hunting camp that my first husband always adhered to. The first one to complain gets to cook the next meal.

            So now when anyone comments negatively about what’s put on the table, an adult barely gets his or her mouth open before the youngster back tracks with, “But that’s just the way I like it.” And if he’s slow on the uptake, a sibling is likely to interject, “But that’s just the way you like it, right?”

            America has become a nation of complainers. Not to say there isn’t plenty of room for improvement, but this is still the best option on the planet, and the only place where the average Joe can volunteer to be part of the solution to what needs fixing. The trouble is that most of us are too lazy to volunteer. We seem to think that a protest, a gripe session over coffee, or commenting that we don’t know what the world is coming to, is doing our part; that we couldn’t even make a difference if we tried, so why try?

            It comes to me that one little word which is greatly overworked as an excuse can just as easily be the door to resolution of a problem. People are often asked whether they see the glass as half empty or half full. What might be even more revealing is to ask ourselves how we use the word, “but.”

            If we wail about what is wrong and end with, “But what can one person do?” we’ve just said we are unwilling to be involved. We might as well have said that’s just the way we like it, because obviously, we’re waiting on someone else to step up and solve the problem.

            On the other hand, stating the problem and then adding, “But it might get better if we tried…,” indicates a desire to help with the improvement, even if it’s never going to be perfect.

            How often have you heard (or said) something like this? “Joe’s a pretty good guy, but he’s not the brightest bulb on the shelf.”

            Or this… “Sally’s a good player but Jane is better.”

            Now, notice what you remember most about the above comments? The ending, right? Whatever came after “but,” because whatever is said last is remembered first.  Whether intentional or not, the speaker just negated the positive and reinforced the negative. Try turning those sentences around and see what sticks with you about the person being discussed.

            We began here by talking about rules. There’s another rule in some circles that says, “Anything that comes before “but” is bovine excrement. (That’s the long version; I had to clean it up for a family publication.)

            We’re all careless in that way, and don’t you wonder what would happen if we watched our “buts” and tried not to step in anything messy?

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She Was Right, As Usual

8/10/2016

The Lay of the Land

By Lyn Messersmith

She Was Right, As Usual

            One of my sons gave me a dishtowel that makes me smile every time I use it. The message says, “OMG, my mother was right about everything.” I wasn’t, of course, and still am not, but the older I get, the more I realize my own mom pretty much was.

            During my childhood summers, I was often allowed to have a pal stay over for a couple of days. I suppose Mom made an extra effort in that direction because I was an only, but no doubt it helped that with a playmate around I was more likely to stay out from under her feet. 

            When the allotted time for the visit had expired and my guest was preparing to return to her home, we generally begged for just one more day to play. It was never granted, and I whined about that from time to time, but Mom was firm.

            “No, you’ll get tired of each other if you’re together too much.”

            Despite the protests, I recall feeling sort of relieved and peaceful after the company had departed. We all need to settle back into a routine, even after a wonderful vacation. And of course, since time for togetherness was limited, we always looked forward eagerly to our next associations.

            I’ve been thinking a lot about Facebook and other social media, because several of my friends and family members have mentioned the possibility of discontinuing that mode of communication. I also think about the reasons I never took it up. The “only child syndrome” may have a lot to do with it. I value my privacy and quiet time, which is why not many people have my cell phone number, and why it remains turned off most of the time when I am not traveling.

            Many of my friends claim the only way they keep up with grandkids is by Facebook. I maintain that my grandkids probably are involved in a lot of things that would worry me if I knew about them, and which are really none of my business anyhow. They all have my phone number, if they cared to get it and enter it into their contacts. Same with e-mail.

            I’m told that it won’t be long before all graduation and wedding invitations will come via social media, and what I say to that is that if you don’t care enough to waste a stamp on me I don’t care to come to your event or shop for a gift. Already the obituaries list a means of sending online condolences. My word, if bereavement isn’t reason enough to send a handwritten note, I don’t know what is.

            Facebook is handy for getting the word out about where a fire is located, when an event is cancelled, or a benefit is planned. It’s also handy for sending out unsolicited opinions, or coercing others to take your side in a controversy. The people whom I know that are re-thinking their commitment to Facebook have been burned by gossip, shunned by someone who disagrees on a political issue, or come to question a spouse’s supposedly innocent communication with a member of the opposite sex. Sadly, social media has many adults indulging in the kind of mean spirited back and forth that used to be common to their junior high offspring.

            TV and cell phones are also complicit in the demise of respectful information sharing. For every repeat showing of a rowdy protest, or violent attack, chances increase that some hot headed fool will decide to do likewise. 

            I’m appalled that audiences at presidential speeches, political conventions or public meetings cheer disruptively, boo rudely; even resort to obscene gestures, making sure to be on camera while behaving like idiots.

Yes, I’m old, and out of step with the times, but in my time, (yes, I know how much you hate hearing that; so did I, back in the day) anyone who booed a referee, player, or speaker was removed from the event. Now, even our government leaders are tweeting snarky remarks. My dad ran a hired hand or two off at gunpoint for using language that most seventh graders commonly speak nowadays. Social media allows us to behave in ways that would still get us tossed out of a bar. Not good, people, not good.

            Another thing Mom drilled into me was this. “Never hurt anyone’s feelings if you can help it.” And this, “Mind your own business.”

            One thing she never said was, “Shame on you.” No one deserves to be shamed, and we all know how terrible it feels to be told we ought to be ashamed.

            She was right about a lot of things, that woman; not the least of which was that we get tired of each other when we are together too much. There’s altogether too much togetherness involved in social media, and our whole society is suffering the consequences.

           

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Let’s You and Him Fight

7/27/2016

The Lay of the Land

By Lyn Messersmith

Let’s You and Him Fight

            No wait, I want a piece of the action too. What is it we are supposed to put on our protest signs? Do I need to bring my gun, or just a bunch of friends to help holler? Should we lie down in the street, block the highway, or set fire to some cars and bust windows? The grocery store over there is where I shop, but the owner is probably rich, so let’s put him out of business.

****

            How many civil wars do we have to have in this country anyway? Let’s see, there were those Indian battles, and then we went up against the Brits; never mind that we were mostly Brits too. And then there was the North/South deal, which was racial but also had a lot to do with money and territory. The Johnson County skirmish was about sheep and cattle, also money, property rights, and territory, but that’s generally the bottom line in any war.

Some of us are old enough to recall the sixties, and Rosa Parks. Now it’s a quarrel over whose lives matter, and the growing consensus that law enforcement is our worst enemy. Oh, and let’s not leave out pipelines, climate change, the dirty dogs in the coal industry, wind energy, and Wall Street.

            Did you notice a common theme in all this besides money, property rights, and territory?  Every instance pits Americans against Americans—basically civil war. It’s really true that those who refuse to learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. You have to wonder when the Man Upstairs will decide we aren’t worth the bother, but maybe He’s still pondering the paradox—how communities that come together to raise funds for someone whose house blew away, or who has cancer, can suddenly turn into a nest of bitter back-biters. I’m pretty sure Facebook is involved here, but the good side of that coin is when it gets the word out about the fund raiser or asks for prayers.

When we get our teeth into a cause we refuse to acknowledge that there are very few absolutes, or consider any possibility of unintended consequences. The neighbor whom you criticize publicly for being on the opposite side of an issue is the one who brought his grass rig to your fire, and pulled your wife’s car out of the ditch. Your kids and his are buddies. Can you really afford to alienate him?

            Those who remember the sixties may also recall a comedienne who began her routines by saying, “Can we talk?” If the hot heads and cool heads sat down for a real conversation (which involves each participant listening while the opposition speaks, instead of interrupting or planning what to say when it’s their turn) it might surprise everyone to find that each side wants pretty much the same thing. But how can we be expected to have an honest discussion when the politicians and talking heads who seem to be our role models never let anyone finish a sentence? 

            Malcom Ford said, "Education’s purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.” Educating oneself about all aspects of controversial issues is risky because we might find that facts don’t support our particular point of view. Sadly, educating ourselves takes more effort than most of us are willing to invest. Research involves study, listening to opposing views and then checking facts before forming an opinion, rather than absorbing and promoting what’s put forth by people with whom we already agree.

“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation.”  Herbert Spencer

            Americans need to ask themselves one question. Am I part of the problem, or part of the solution?

The Food Court

7/20/2016

The Lay of the Land

By Lyn Messersmith

The Food Court

            The table in our yard is set, and guests arrive daily. It reminds me of a school cafeteria food fight at times, with the cats quarreling over pieces of a mole that one of them caught, and birds getting territorial at the feeders.

One of the black kittens ought to be named Grumpy, because when he gets his teeth into a mouse or bird he scolds all of his siblings and his mom while refusing to share.

Another black kitten—well maybe it’s the same one, all three are identical—is inclined to sit on the back of a patio chair which is near a barn swallow nest. The swallows dive at him, while he ignores them, but eventually they come close enough to knock him off balance and he falls. To the disgust of the swallows, he lands on his feet and climbs right back on the perch.

We looked out the window last week while eating supper to see two deer wander up the lane, stopping here and there to sample the grass. They eyed my flowers then passed by without a taste, but when they got close to the garden Bruce stepped out and stood on the porch. That was enough to discourage them, although I suppose one reason Maggie tends to raise such a ruckus in the wee hours has to do with more of their explorations.

I had to put the strawberry planter up on a table on the deck to keep Maggie from licking the ripe ones, and the cats even nibble at some flowers next to the kitchen window.

My daughter and I sat in the living room on the evening of the 4^th, and watched a toad jumping up against the sliding screen to catch bugs. After a while, we heard a squeak, then another, and eventually the complaints became insistent. I got up to investigate, and found the toad leaping at a June bug that had attached itself to the screen just out of range. Every jump the toad made fell short, and after each attempt he squeaked in frustration. The June bug sat smugly in place, while countless other bug offerings swarmed around the toad, and were ignored. That was one determined toad, for all the good it did him. I felt so sorry for him that I even tried to dislodge the June bug, to no avail. Obviously, he had a plan that was working and he was sticking to it.

            Just as obviously, this family is easily amused, but our entertainment beats the offerings on television, and the toad didn’t make as much noise as the political candidates.

Respect

7/13/2016

The Lay of the Land

By Lyn Messersmith

Respect

            “…To respect another’s personhood.”

            I read that line recently, in the context of not criticizing. Being the word person that I am, and wanting further instruction in what it means to respect, I consulted my old friend, Webster. Here are a few of the ways he described respect.

            “To show honor or high regard, to treat with deference, to show consideration for, avoid intruding on or interfering with another’s privacy; courteous regard.”

            Today I read about getting a crick in one’s neck from looking down on others. The same author warned that putting someone down brings us down also.

An old adage says that intelligent people talk about ideas, ordinary people talk about events, and small minded people talk about people.

With all that being said, how can one not conclude that there are a lot of small minded folks in the world who don’t care about respect, and have a crick in their necks? That’s more evident in an election year, but it occurs to me that the political name calling is simply a reflection of how many of us live. If we didn’t do it ourselves we wouldn’t put up with it from people who are competing to be our leaders. It’s unsettling to say the least, to think we are all swimming around in the slime, but evidence would support that theory. 

Where do youngsters learn to ridicule their classmates through text, or online? If parents don’t quash kids’ tendency to make fun of siblings it’s going to escalate, and spread outside the home. And if the adults are heard discussing the lifestyles of Uncle Jim, old lady Smith down the street, the coach who had someone sitting on the bench instead of starting first string, or how the person next door fails to keep their yard mowed or fences mended, the dynamic of that family will be built on negativity. Negativity is as contagious as the measles, which is one reason our world is full of chaos.

Do you recall when a classmate got you off to the side and asked, “Do you like Susy?” Well, Susy was one of your best pals, but obviously you weren’t supposed to like her, and if you did, the other person was going to make fun of you, or exclude you from something. You felt trapped, ashamed, and confused, and like as not denied the friendship you had enjoyed up to that time. Those feelings are as fresh as ever when someone begins running down a mutual acquaintance to me. Additionally, I know now that if you are talking about that person to me, you will also talk about me to the same family members or acquaintances, so it won’t be long before I begin avoiding conversations with you, or cutting them short, and will be constantly on guard when we meet.

I’m pretty sure humans aren’t respectful by nature, but the more of us that commit to being responsible with our words and actions, the better chance we have of surviving as families, communities, and nations.  Walking away from gossip at the coffee shop, family get-together, or political rally is not easy, but it takes real courage to speak up and ask others to refrain from name calling and bitterness. It really is possible to disagree without being disagreeable.

Folks who are determined to be displeased would like others to participate. I recall telling my dad and former spouse that they needed to have face to face discussions, because I’d no longer be a messenger in the middle. Both resented me for that to the day they died, but my life immediately became more peaceful when my motto became, “If someone insists on being unhappy, it’s not going to be me.” Respect of oneself is a priority too.

I’ve known a handful of folks who never uttered a word of criticism in my presence, and I want to grow up to be them, but there’s plenty of growing ahead of me.

Audrey Hepburn said, “For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others. For beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness.” I don’t know about you, but I need all the help I can get in the beauty department.