Respect

7/13/2016

The Lay of the Land

By Lyn Messersmith

Respect

            “…To respect another’s personhood.”

            I read that line recently, in the context of not criticizing. Being the word person that I am, and wanting further instruction in what it means to respect, I consulted my old friend, Webster. Here are a few of the ways he described respect.

            “To show honor or high regard, to treat with deference, to show consideration for, avoid intruding on or interfering with another’s privacy; courteous regard.”

            Today I read about getting a crick in one’s neck from looking down on others. The same author warned that putting someone down brings us down also.

An old adage says that intelligent people talk about ideas, ordinary people talk about events, and small minded people talk about people.

With all that being said, how can one not conclude that there are a lot of small minded folks in the world who don’t care about respect, and have a crick in their necks? That’s more evident in an election year, but it occurs to me that the political name calling is simply a reflection of how many of us live. If we didn’t do it ourselves we wouldn’t put up with it from people who are competing to be our leaders. It’s unsettling to say the least, to think we are all swimming around in the slime, but evidence would support that theory. 

Where do youngsters learn to ridicule their classmates through text, or online? If parents don’t quash kids’ tendency to make fun of siblings it’s going to escalate, and spread outside the home. And if the adults are heard discussing the lifestyles of Uncle Jim, old lady Smith down the street, the coach who had someone sitting on the bench instead of starting first string, or how the person next door fails to keep their yard mowed or fences mended, the dynamic of that family will be built on negativity. Negativity is as contagious as the measles, which is one reason our world is full of chaos.

Do you recall when a classmate got you off to the side and asked, “Do you like Susy?” Well, Susy was one of your best pals, but obviously you weren’t supposed to like her, and if you did, the other person was going to make fun of you, or exclude you from something. You felt trapped, ashamed, and confused, and like as not denied the friendship you had enjoyed up to that time. Those feelings are as fresh as ever when someone begins running down a mutual acquaintance to me. Additionally, I know now that if you are talking about that person to me, you will also talk about me to the same family members or acquaintances, so it won’t be long before I begin avoiding conversations with you, or cutting them short, and will be constantly on guard when we meet.

I’m pretty sure humans aren’t respectful by nature, but the more of us that commit to being responsible with our words and actions, the better chance we have of surviving as families, communities, and nations.  Walking away from gossip at the coffee shop, family get-together, or political rally is not easy, but it takes real courage to speak up and ask others to refrain from name calling and bitterness. It really is possible to disagree without being disagreeable.

Folks who are determined to be displeased would like others to participate. I recall telling my dad and former spouse that they needed to have face to face discussions, because I’d no longer be a messenger in the middle. Both resented me for that to the day they died, but my life immediately became more peaceful when my motto became, “If someone insists on being unhappy, it’s not going to be me.” Respect of oneself is a priority too.

I’ve known a handful of folks who never uttered a word of criticism in my presence, and I want to grow up to be them, but there’s plenty of growing ahead of me.

Audrey Hepburn said, “For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others. For beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness.” I don’t know about you, but I need all the help I can get in the beauty department.