8/17/2016
The Lay of the Land
By Lyn Messersmith
But, On the Other Hand…
The new fellow on the trail drive filled his tin plate at the chuck wagon and hunkered down by the fire. After a couple of bites he remarked that the biscuits were burned on the bottom. Noticing that old Cookie was reaching for his pistol, the newbie remembered the first rule of the range—never insult the cook—so he quickly amended his statement with this, “But that’s just the way I like them!”
Bruce told this tale to our grandkids some time back and I reinforced it with the rule in hunting camp that my first husband always adhered to. The first one to complain gets to cook the next meal.
So now when anyone comments negatively about what’s put on the table, an adult barely gets his or her mouth open before the youngster back tracks with, “But that’s just the way I like it.” And if he’s slow on the uptake, a sibling is likely to interject, “But that’s just the way you like it, right?”
America has become a nation of complainers. Not to say there isn’t plenty of room for improvement, but this is still the best option on the planet, and the only place where the average Joe can volunteer to be part of the solution to what needs fixing. The trouble is that most of us are too lazy to volunteer. We seem to think that a protest, a gripe session over coffee, or commenting that we don’t know what the world is coming to, is doing our part; that we couldn’t even make a difference if we tried, so why try?
It comes to me that one little word which is greatly overworked as an excuse can just as easily be the door to resolution of a problem. People are often asked whether they see the glass as half empty or half full. What might be even more revealing is to ask ourselves how we use the word, “but.”
If we wail about what is wrong and end with, “But what can one person do?” we’ve just said we are unwilling to be involved. We might as well have said that’s just the way we like it, because obviously, we’re waiting on someone else to step up and solve the problem.
On the other hand, stating the problem and then adding, “But it might get better if we tried…,” indicates a desire to help with the improvement, even if it’s never going to be perfect.
How often have you heard (or said) something like this? “Joe’s a pretty good guy, but he’s not the brightest bulb on the shelf.”
Or this… “Sally’s a good player but Jane is better.”
Now, notice what you remember most about the above comments? The ending, right? Whatever came after “but,” because whatever is said last is remembered first. Whether intentional or not, the speaker just negated the positive and reinforced the negative. Try turning those sentences around and see what sticks with you about the person being discussed.
We began here by talking about rules. There’s another rule in some circles that says, “Anything that comes before “but” is bovine excrement. (That’s the long version; I had to clean it up for a family publication.)
We’re all careless in that way, and don’t you wonder what would happen if we watched our “buts” and tried not to step in anything messy?
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