8/10/2016
The Lay of the Land
By Lyn Messersmith
She Was Right, As Usual
One of my sons gave me a dishtowel that makes me smile every time I use it. The message says, “OMG, my mother was right about everything.” I wasn’t, of course, and still am not, but the older I get, the more I realize my own mom pretty much was.
During my childhood summers, I was often allowed to have a pal stay over for a couple of days. I suppose Mom made an extra effort in that direction because I was an only, but no doubt it helped that with a playmate around I was more likely to stay out from under her feet.
When the allotted time for the visit had expired and my guest was preparing to return to her home, we generally begged for just one more day to play. It was never granted, and I whined about that from time to time, but Mom was firm.
“No, you’ll get tired of each other if you’re together too much.”
Despite the protests, I recall feeling sort of relieved and peaceful after the company had departed. We all need to settle back into a routine, even after a wonderful vacation. And of course, since time for togetherness was limited, we always looked forward eagerly to our next associations.
I’ve been thinking a lot about Facebook and other social media, because several of my friends and family members have mentioned the possibility of discontinuing that mode of communication. I also think about the reasons I never took it up. The “only child syndrome” may have a lot to do with it. I value my privacy and quiet time, which is why not many people have my cell phone number, and why it remains turned off most of the time when I am not traveling.
Many of my friends claim the only way they keep up with grandkids is by Facebook. I maintain that my grandkids probably are involved in a lot of things that would worry me if I knew about them, and which are really none of my business anyhow. They all have my phone number, if they cared to get it and enter it into their contacts. Same with e-mail.
I’m told that it won’t be long before all graduation and wedding invitations will come via social media, and what I say to that is that if you don’t care enough to waste a stamp on me I don’t care to come to your event or shop for a gift. Already the obituaries list a means of sending online condolences. My word, if bereavement isn’t reason enough to send a handwritten note, I don’t know what is.
Facebook is handy for getting the word out about where a fire is located, when an event is cancelled, or a benefit is planned. It’s also handy for sending out unsolicited opinions, or coercing others to take your side in a controversy. The people whom I know that are re-thinking their commitment to Facebook have been burned by gossip, shunned by someone who disagrees on a political issue, or come to question a spouse’s supposedly innocent communication with a member of the opposite sex. Sadly, social media has many adults indulging in the kind of mean spirited back and forth that used to be common to their junior high offspring.
TV and cell phones are also complicit in the demise of respectful information sharing. For every repeat showing of a rowdy protest, or violent attack, chances increase that some hot headed fool will decide to do likewise.
I’m appalled that audiences at presidential speeches, political conventions or public meetings cheer disruptively, boo rudely; even resort to obscene gestures, making sure to be on camera while behaving like idiots.
Yes, I’m old, and out of step with the times, but in my time, (yes, I know how much you hate hearing that; so did I, back in the day) anyone who booed a referee, player, or speaker was removed from the event. Now, even our government leaders are tweeting snarky remarks. My dad ran a hired hand or two off at gunpoint for using language that most seventh graders commonly speak nowadays. Social media allows us to behave in ways that would still get us tossed out of a bar. Not good, people, not good.
Another thing Mom drilled into me was this. “Never hurt anyone’s feelings if you can help it.” And this, “Mind your own business.”
One thing she never said was, “Shame on you.” No one deserves to be shamed, and we all know how terrible it feels to be told we ought to be ashamed.
She was right about a lot of things, that woman; not the least of which was that we get tired of each other when we are together too much. There’s altogether too much togetherness involved in social media, and our whole society is suffering the consequences.
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