Let’s You and Him Fight

7/27/2016

The Lay of the Land

By Lyn Messersmith

Let’s You and Him Fight

            No wait, I want a piece of the action too. What is it we are supposed to put on our protest signs? Do I need to bring my gun, or just a bunch of friends to help holler? Should we lie down in the street, block the highway, or set fire to some cars and bust windows? The grocery store over there is where I shop, but the owner is probably rich, so let’s put him out of business.

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            How many civil wars do we have to have in this country anyway? Let’s see, there were those Indian battles, and then we went up against the Brits; never mind that we were mostly Brits too. And then there was the North/South deal, which was racial but also had a lot to do with money and territory. The Johnson County skirmish was about sheep and cattle, also money, property rights, and territory, but that’s generally the bottom line in any war.

Some of us are old enough to recall the sixties, and Rosa Parks. Now it’s a quarrel over whose lives matter, and the growing consensus that law enforcement is our worst enemy. Oh, and let’s not leave out pipelines, climate change, the dirty dogs in the coal industry, wind energy, and Wall Street.

            Did you notice a common theme in all this besides money, property rights, and territory?  Every instance pits Americans against Americans—basically civil war. It’s really true that those who refuse to learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. You have to wonder when the Man Upstairs will decide we aren’t worth the bother, but maybe He’s still pondering the paradox—how communities that come together to raise funds for someone whose house blew away, or who has cancer, can suddenly turn into a nest of bitter back-biters. I’m pretty sure Facebook is involved here, but the good side of that coin is when it gets the word out about the fund raiser or asks for prayers.

When we get our teeth into a cause we refuse to acknowledge that there are very few absolutes, or consider any possibility of unintended consequences. The neighbor whom you criticize publicly for being on the opposite side of an issue is the one who brought his grass rig to your fire, and pulled your wife’s car out of the ditch. Your kids and his are buddies. Can you really afford to alienate him?

            Those who remember the sixties may also recall a comedienne who began her routines by saying, “Can we talk?” If the hot heads and cool heads sat down for a real conversation (which involves each participant listening while the opposition speaks, instead of interrupting or planning what to say when it’s their turn) it might surprise everyone to find that each side wants pretty much the same thing. But how can we be expected to have an honest discussion when the politicians and talking heads who seem to be our role models never let anyone finish a sentence? 

            Malcom Ford said, "Education’s purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.” Educating oneself about all aspects of controversial issues is risky because we might find that facts don’t support our particular point of view. Sadly, educating ourselves takes more effort than most of us are willing to invest. Research involves study, listening to opposing views and then checking facts before forming an opinion, rather than absorbing and promoting what’s put forth by people with whom we already agree.

“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation.”  Herbert Spencer

            Americans need to ask themselves one question. Am I part of the problem, or part of the solution?

The Food Court

7/20/2016

The Lay of the Land

By Lyn Messersmith

The Food Court

            The table in our yard is set, and guests arrive daily. It reminds me of a school cafeteria food fight at times, with the cats quarreling over pieces of a mole that one of them caught, and birds getting territorial at the feeders.

One of the black kittens ought to be named Grumpy, because when he gets his teeth into a mouse or bird he scolds all of his siblings and his mom while refusing to share.

Another black kitten—well maybe it’s the same one, all three are identical—is inclined to sit on the back of a patio chair which is near a barn swallow nest. The swallows dive at him, while he ignores them, but eventually they come close enough to knock him off balance and he falls. To the disgust of the swallows, he lands on his feet and climbs right back on the perch.

We looked out the window last week while eating supper to see two deer wander up the lane, stopping here and there to sample the grass. They eyed my flowers then passed by without a taste, but when they got close to the garden Bruce stepped out and stood on the porch. That was enough to discourage them, although I suppose one reason Maggie tends to raise such a ruckus in the wee hours has to do with more of their explorations.

I had to put the strawberry planter up on a table on the deck to keep Maggie from licking the ripe ones, and the cats even nibble at some flowers next to the kitchen window.

My daughter and I sat in the living room on the evening of the 4^th, and watched a toad jumping up against the sliding screen to catch bugs. After a while, we heard a squeak, then another, and eventually the complaints became insistent. I got up to investigate, and found the toad leaping at a June bug that had attached itself to the screen just out of range. Every jump the toad made fell short, and after each attempt he squeaked in frustration. The June bug sat smugly in place, while countless other bug offerings swarmed around the toad, and were ignored. That was one determined toad, for all the good it did him. I felt so sorry for him that I even tried to dislodge the June bug, to no avail. Obviously, he had a plan that was working and he was sticking to it.

            Just as obviously, this family is easily amused, but our entertainment beats the offerings on television, and the toad didn’t make as much noise as the political candidates.

Respect

7/13/2016

The Lay of the Land

By Lyn Messersmith

Respect

            “…To respect another’s personhood.”

            I read that line recently, in the context of not criticizing. Being the word person that I am, and wanting further instruction in what it means to respect, I consulted my old friend, Webster. Here are a few of the ways he described respect.

            “To show honor or high regard, to treat with deference, to show consideration for, avoid intruding on or interfering with another’s privacy; courteous regard.”

            Today I read about getting a crick in one’s neck from looking down on others. The same author warned that putting someone down brings us down also.

An old adage says that intelligent people talk about ideas, ordinary people talk about events, and small minded people talk about people.

With all that being said, how can one not conclude that there are a lot of small minded folks in the world who don’t care about respect, and have a crick in their necks? That’s more evident in an election year, but it occurs to me that the political name calling is simply a reflection of how many of us live. If we didn’t do it ourselves we wouldn’t put up with it from people who are competing to be our leaders. It’s unsettling to say the least, to think we are all swimming around in the slime, but evidence would support that theory. 

Where do youngsters learn to ridicule their classmates through text, or online? If parents don’t quash kids’ tendency to make fun of siblings it’s going to escalate, and spread outside the home. And if the adults are heard discussing the lifestyles of Uncle Jim, old lady Smith down the street, the coach who had someone sitting on the bench instead of starting first string, or how the person next door fails to keep their yard mowed or fences mended, the dynamic of that family will be built on negativity. Negativity is as contagious as the measles, which is one reason our world is full of chaos.

Do you recall when a classmate got you off to the side and asked, “Do you like Susy?” Well, Susy was one of your best pals, but obviously you weren’t supposed to like her, and if you did, the other person was going to make fun of you, or exclude you from something. You felt trapped, ashamed, and confused, and like as not denied the friendship you had enjoyed up to that time. Those feelings are as fresh as ever when someone begins running down a mutual acquaintance to me. Additionally, I know now that if you are talking about that person to me, you will also talk about me to the same family members or acquaintances, so it won’t be long before I begin avoiding conversations with you, or cutting them short, and will be constantly on guard when we meet.

I’m pretty sure humans aren’t respectful by nature, but the more of us that commit to being responsible with our words and actions, the better chance we have of surviving as families, communities, and nations.  Walking away from gossip at the coffee shop, family get-together, or political rally is not easy, but it takes real courage to speak up and ask others to refrain from name calling and bitterness. It really is possible to disagree without being disagreeable.

Folks who are determined to be displeased would like others to participate. I recall telling my dad and former spouse that they needed to have face to face discussions, because I’d no longer be a messenger in the middle. Both resented me for that to the day they died, but my life immediately became more peaceful when my motto became, “If someone insists on being unhappy, it’s not going to be me.” Respect of oneself is a priority too.

I’ve known a handful of folks who never uttered a word of criticism in my presence, and I want to grow up to be them, but there’s plenty of growing ahead of me.

Audrey Hepburn said, “For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others. For beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness.” I don’t know about you, but I need all the help I can get in the beauty department.