That Never Happened

7/22/2015

The Lay of the Land

By Lyn Messersmith

That Never Happened

            Sometimes, when I’m with folks who have known me longer than any of us care to admit, there’s mention of an incident which I don’t recall.

“Was I there?” I ask, and am immediately assured that I was indeed present, and participated willingly in the folly. I’m never sure whether to blame such mental lapses on age, or the possibility that I was having too much fun at the time the event occurred. Either way, I know better than to question someone who bears witness to our shared history.

There’s no denying that siblings often have different recollections of people and events. That happens because we are individual pieces of the family puzzle, and our ages and roles in the home affect our perceptions. No one’s personal memories should be put down or denied.

Collective history is another matter, because we haven’t personal experience in anything beyond our life span. Granted, the text books were written by people whose opinions slanted the telling, but we know that certain events occurred in a particular time and place, and that the effects of such are evident in our own lives.

            I believe that who we are today is a direct result of who and where we have been. It’s true that we see the world not as it is, but as we are. Finding common ground and moving to a place of tolerance and respect, requires a commitment to honor our own history, even the parts we don’t like. Some families’ motto is, “That never happened, and even if it did, we don’t talk about it.” The things we put our backs to follow us until we finally turn around and face them down. This is true for societies and cultures as well.

            I didn’t participate in the Crusades, nor own slaves, but it’s possible that my ancestors did. Some of them may have fought for the Confederacy. The Holocaust, though not part of my family story, is very real to anyone who is Jewish. A relative on my dad’s side was a scout for Custer, and died at Greasy Grass. The possibility of my ancestral connections to events that were ugly, if not downright evil, doesn’t make me proud. But I can respect the fact that the people who participated in those events were courageous, even when they were wrong.

            What are our children being taught, or not taught, in school? What segments of our culture is our nation unwilling to own? The push to erase all traces of past bigotry, or forbid the display of uncomfortable reminders of our past, seems wrong to me. I’d prefer these things weren’t offered in a manner that implies approval by our leaders, but pretending they never happened is participating in a lie, and prevents us from appreciating, and learning from, the struggles of those who preceded us.

            With that being said, no healing happens when we choose to wallow in blame. Life has never been fair, and we need to get over the notion that we can ever make it so. You and I are not responsible for the mistakes of our ancestors, and those who would burden us with guilt of the past generations are  picking at scabs; keeping the wound open to infection.

            “The problem with extremists isn’t that they are extreme, but that they are intolerant.”

Robert Kennedy

            It’s true that whoever doesn’t learn from the past is doomed to repeat it. That alone ought to scare the bejeebers out of any rational person. We are here, and it is now. Let’s move forward peacefully.